Created: January 2, 2022

Doctor Who: The Lonely Assassins

Ugh. I can't believe I actually played through this. In the end, I was left with two unsolved mysteries:

  1. Is this more of a cringe-fest or more of a cash-grab? Could it be ... both?! It's essentially degrading fan service wrapped in abysmal writing with plot holes the size of entire universes.

  2. How has Monsoon Labs—an indie dev that in 2016 made a cute and cheesy little phone-sim horror game called Sara Is Missing, and then built on its success by carefully avoiding any further creativity in order to continue to repackage the same game again and again in their Simulacra series—managed to snag the rights for the Doctor Who franchise so that they could repackage the same game yet again?

Perhaps we will never know!

But I'm here to help. First, just go play Sara Is Missing. It's the same game and it's free. And it's honestly not much of a game at that, it's just futzing around on a phone and following instructions. There are no real puzzles. These games just literally tell you exactly what to do next.

Or, if you're a Doctor Who fan, go watch Doctor Who. Or listen to Big Finish. Or even read a Doctor Who novel or comic book. Anything but this.